Although I was back from my holiday, I was not working today. This was just as well since my youngest was ill and needed some attention. I was also annoyed about a family matter yesterday. This had trickled over into today and was still on my mind.
I didn’t get to start until nearly 10:45am which is a new time on me. Normally I’m either long finished or realise I’ll need to sit down after work to do it.
As I started the preparations I kept thinking back to the family situation. I was not really angry about it, but I knew that I needed a reasonable resolution.
I restarted the preparations a couple of times and then gave in and let focus drift entirely to the situation. It wasn’t long before I could see a reasonable way forward which could work for both parties. I resolved to put this in the back of my mind now and get on with the session.
It wasn’t that simple. It took quite a bit of effort to gather focus, but I did. I finished the preparation steps and did a fairly slow body scan. As I was aware that my mind wanted to pull me back the other way, this was not quite as focused as normal, but still beneficial.
I then moved to the awareness of breath which I chose to follow with “in”, “pause”, “out”, “pause” with a strong intention to focus on sensations at the nose for the “in” and “out” sections. This was relatively successful and I was fairly well focused here. I did find some distractions in thoughts and background noises which occasionally drew me away briefly.
As I entered what I believed to be the last ten minutes, I noticed two old foes come back. Pins and Needles and Impatience. The pins and needles were very strong on my right leg. I could no longer feel my foot or lower leg. I was also sure the gong would be ringing soon. This combination caused a strong impatience for the bell. I sat with this for a few minutes and it did not fade. Eventually, I knew I would need to change position and I uncrossed my legs and put them up while wrapping my arms around my knees. This proved pretty effective. I didn’t open my eyes and did this in a mindful fashion. I hope I don’t need to do this often, but it did prove a good escape hatch.
I sat like this for the last five or so minutes, the impatience had reduced, but did not ever disappear. Eventually, the gong rang, and I gratefully finished a slightly odd session.
|Meditiation Type||Awareness of Breath|
|Meditiation Position||Seated Floor Cushion|
|Meditiation Stages||Stage-2 Stage-2+|
|Tags||Conflict Pins and Needles Impatience|